They Should Wear Muzzles.

The central problem in American polite society today is that it is no longer polite. We think that we have come so far from our predecessors who believed that "children should be seen and not heard." This is true. We make a crucial mistake, however, when our underlying assumption is that this is a positive trend. Our youth-obsessed culture has gone too far, giving weight to the thoughts and feelings of the underdeveloped. It must be stopped. I would like to speak for the spawnless everywhere when I say that if you cannot make your children behave, please remove them from my presence.

Perhaps I should set the scene for my anti-breeder rant. We tried again today to see Avatar, this time with friends who we do not see very often. Alas, we were foiled again; the website we looked on had the times wrong. I will never make it to Pandora. Instead, the man who steals my blankets every night and I proposed Chris Columbus' adaptation of Rick Riordan's novel, The Lightning Thief. For those of you who don't know, Riordan's series of five books follows the adventures of Percy Jackson, the adolescent son of one of the Olympian Gods. I picked up one of these books on a lark and got hooked (dragging my husband along in the process). I commend Riordan for targeting adolescent boys (a demographic that tends to stop reading for pleasure) and also for infusing the United States with a sense of mystery (to understand that one, you must read the book. Sorry).

So the four of us bought tickets and (overpriced) snacks and went into the theater. As the previews began, so did that chatter in the row behind me. Now I have been known to talk through the previews (much to my father's irritation), so I decided to extend the benefit of the doubt to the pests behind me. As the thunder rolled through the opening credits of the movie, however, motor mouth did not shut up. Picture this: a theater full of paying customers, waiting to be transported to a world where the Olympian Gods are alive, well, and living in New York, only to have that journey interrupted by Rick Riordan's number one fan anticipating the plot twists. I remember an NPR review of The West Wing which cited the show's willingness to make the audience figure stuff out on its own as part of the appeal. This young gentlemen apparently had less faith in the rest of us than Aaron Sorkin did.

But Popcorn, I can hear you saying, he's just a kid! Surely he did not know any better! And isn't it what you signed up for by going to a kid's movie anyway? If the child had been alone, or with his friends, I may agree with you. Theoretically even the best trained young spawn can be corrupted by the jocular influences of his peers. This pustule, however, was accompanied by an adult who could have at any time told his virulent offspring to be quiet (or at least extended a spoiler alert to the rest of the audience). I suppose, then, that I cannot blame the child if the parent has not explained the difference between watching a movie on one's Barcalounger and sharing a theater with fifty other people.

Which brings me back to what is wrong with society. We have lost a universal sense of decorum. While we all suffer from these lower standards, those whose parents raised them correctly (thank you Mom and Papa) suffer more. We maintain our own manners even in the absence of those around us, and we are hesitant to correct the gaffs of others-that would be rude!

I would like to make a stand today for the proper education of children. I believe that children need to learn that one must consider one's impact on others and act accordingly. Our pop culture pushes us to act in our own selfish interest; if we want it, we should have it. Simultaneously, we are so concerned with preserving our individual rights and liberties that we do not consider whether or not it is always responsible to use them. The sentence "It's a free country" has been used to paper over a multitude of social sins. Certainly in the land of the free and the home of the brave no one may take offense at the actions of another. Any attempt to restrict the brainless vitriol spewed across the various media waves is "censorship" and therefore not to be tolerated. Let me advocate, then, for the reinstatement of self-censorship. No one will be harmed by listening to that little voice within that asks "how will this affect other people?" Let's start a revolution of manners and begin with talking in the theater. So, to the gentleman who saw The Lightning Thief at the Fresh Pond Mall Cinema in Cambridge, Ma at 3:50 today (2/21/10) with two adolescent boys and sat behind four adults, set an example for those children and kindly shut up.